Can't let go
by skybirds
Summary: it was unfair of Brittany to force the feelings out of Santana


Santana kicked her bedroom door out of frustration, she couldn't understand how things had become so bad, she should never had said anything, she thought she was doing the right thing, Brittany wanted her to open up. Brittany forced the feelings out of Santana, and when she finally woke up to herself, she realized she couldn't live without Brittany, she was the only person Santana cared more about in the world besides herself, in the end it didn't matter anyway, Brittany rejected her and Santana knew that was that for them, she couldn't continue to be around Brittany when she knew she was just the second choice. She hated the way she felt right now, she was as angry as ever at Brittany, she felt confused, she thought her and Brittany belonged together, she thought Brittany would wait for her, but all in all, what Santana hated the most was that she still loves Brittany even after what had happened today.

The next day at school was hard, it was at lunch time when Santana realized that she wouldn't be able to do this like she first thought, she can't see Brittany without feeling all the hurt again, the anger and the rejection.

Santana and Brittany have just about every class together besides a few, and in those classes they sit pretty close together in their assigned seats for the year.

Santana doesn't say a word to Brittany, or to anyone in fact, she notices Brittany staring at her a few times and thinks she's even about to open her mouth to talk to Santana when the teacher starts talking again.

The bell rings and Santana's up and out of the classroom before anyone's even left their seats, she heads straight to her locker to throw her books in, she grabs her bag and her keys and then hurries out to the school car park.

She has no idea where she's going, but all she knows is that she can't stay here anymore.

Santana drove around Lima for about two hours, her eyes were heavy and tears rolled down her cheeks, all she could think about was the way Brittany looked at her yesterday, as she was explaining why she couldn't be with Santana. Santana hated that she was the main reason to cause such hurt to appear on Brittany's face, and she declared to herself years ago to never be the cause of that expression on her face, but then it hit her, she would never have the chance to do that again because her and Brittany could never be friends again. All those years of being best friends, and they were ending because of this. Some jerk in a fucking wheelchair rolled on into Brittany's life and he ruined everything. Santana hated him. She hated Brittany and most of all she hated herself.

Days went by and Santana hadn't spoken a word to Brittany, on the third day since everything happened, Brittany tried to approach Santana on her way out of class, all she got out of her mouth was, 'Santana, can we talk?' Santana felt her heart wrench as she heard Brittany speak her name, she went to turn around to face Brittany to say 'no' just as Rachel berry came waltzing up yelling something about needing to talk to Brittany. Santana had never been so happy to see the midget appear in her life. She turned on her heel and walked off in the opposite direction as she had planned to go, heading straight out to where the massive sized dump bin was. She walked around the corner of it and just sat leaning against the brick wall, no way was she going back into school today.

The next day was even worse, as soon as Santana parked her car, she could see Brittany sitting on a seat outside the school building, she was staring straight at her. Santana slowly picked up her bag from the backseat and walked even slower towards the main entrance, her heart started racing as she got closer to Brittany and her palms started to sweat.

'San, can we talk?'

Santana kept walking

'Santana!' Brittany pleaded, Santana stopped and turned around

'why?'

'because I miss you'

'is that all? Great, see you around'

'Santana!' Brittany ran up in front of Santana, which forced her to stop.

'Santana, please. Stop and talk to me. You're my best friend and I hate being away from you.'

'you made your choice Brittany'

'i never wanted to stop talking to you though. You mean everything to me!' Brittany protested

'i can't do this anymore' Brittany reached out to grab Santana's arm as she turned to walk away

'Santana, you have to stop running away'

'i am NOT running away.' Santana stated. Anger was returning, and she hated feeling this towards her best friend. The only person she actually gives a shit about in the world, but she couldn't do it, she couldn't be around her anymore.

'this is your fault Brittany.' and with that Santana pulled her arm out of Brittany's grasp and fleed into the main entrance of McKinley.

It was Saturday night and Santana was sitting alone in her dark bedroom. There was no one else home and she felt more alone than ever at that moment.

She looked over at the clock on her desk. 10:26.

She needed to do something to distract herself but everything she thought of was just too hard, so she had been sitting on the floor of her bedroom for about two and a half hours.

Just as she got up to go take a shower her phone vibrated against her bedside table.

1 new message from Brittany.

' Santanaa, can you pick me up? Pleaaase? '

Santana was considering whether to reply or not when it vibrated again

'i know you hate me. But I got lost and I have no one else to call'

As much as Santana didn't want to be around Brittany right now she knew she couldn't leave her best friend somewhere alone and lost. she clicked the reply button and typed out a quick message 'where are you?' she hit send and grabbed her purse and keys from her desk and hurried out to her car, about twenty seconds later her phone vibrated again.

'i dunno actually.. There's likee a small corner shop here and a street and stuff?'

Fuck. Great help as usual Brittany, Santana thought to herself, instead of replying she just called Brittany,

'hello?' Brittany answered

Santana's voice hitched in her throat when she heard Brittany's voice.

She coughed to clear her throat,

'uh, Brittany, where are you?'

'oh hey sanny! I'm glad you called me, I've been wanting to hear your voice for ages!'

'Brittany, where are you?' Santana repeated.

'well, I'm sitting on the side of the road, outside some corner shop... Wait there's a sign, uhm 'westmores corner store' yeah, that's where I am, you know it San?'

'uh yeah Britt... It's around the corner from my house'

'oh yeah that's right! I thought I knew it'

'stay there...' Santana hung up the phone and started up her car, she could just walk from her house to the shop but then she realized she'd need to drop Brittany home and she wasn't walking all that way just the two of them.

Santana pulled up outside the store to see Brittany sitting down leaning against the door, she got out of the car and walked over to where Brittany was.

'Brittany? Come on, let's go'

Brittany stood up as she heard Santana's voice.

'San! You came!' Brittany threw her arms around Santana's neck

'i wouldn't leave you here alone.'

'but you hate me, so thanks, it means alot'

'i don't hate you Brittany. Just get in the car, it's freezing out here'

Brittany followed Santana to the car and jumped into the passenger seat.

Santana started driving, and after two minutes of complete silence Brittany cleared her throat and turned to face Santana.

'can I talk to you?'

Crap. Santana knew there was no way she could get out of this one unless she stopped somewhere and kicked Brittany out.

'mm.' was all she could get out.

Brittany took that as a sign to continue talking,

'can we be best friends again, Santana?'

Santana was silent, staring out into the darkness as she drove

'i miss you, like alot. And... And I want to be with you too'

Santana's eyes went wide and she could feel her heart rate increase

'what? You're with Artie, Brittany? You can't have both of us. And like I said before, you made you're choice, you have to learn to live with that'

' I know, but the past few days have been horrible Santana. I can't eat, i can't sleep, and I can't stop thinking about you. You do something to me. And I can't get you out of my head. I don't want Artie. And I realize that now. I made the wrong decision and I wish I could take the last week back, but I can't, I can only try to make things right from here. And I want you Santana. I need you actually.'

Santana could feel the tears starting to pool in her eyes. She pulled the car over to side of the road and put it in park.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, all the anger, hurt, frustration, and over whelming rejection from the past week just seemed so insignificant right now as Brittany was pouring her heart out to her.

'what are you saying?' Santana managed to choke out.

'i'm saying...' Brittany stopped to think for a moment 'I'm saying, I broke up with Artie this morning, and I'm saying I want you, and only you until I die, Santana, I love you.'

At that moment Santana broke down, she couldn't hide the tears from escaping her eyes but she didn't really care. Brittany just said everything Santana has been waiting to hear forever and all that mattered right now was that the girl she was in love with, loved her right back just as much.

Brittany leaned forward and cupped Santana's cheeks in her hands,

'i love you, like never before Santana'

Santana lifted her head, she stared right into the deep blue pool of Brittany's eyes, and moved her head in so their lips were almost touching.

' I love you too.' Santana replied back just before she moved all the way in and connected their lips. It's always amazed Santana how well their bodies fit together, and right now was no different, she knew for sure that they should never be apart again.


End file.
